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2005/11/28 Day FourFinally. I'm definately ready =)
Of course, today I'm just sitting at home, but it's the last day and my mental self is going crazy. Phoned my family doctor's office for an appointment tomorrow at 9:45 am cause I have to see her to get the refill medication for my stupid rash. (No, it's not contagious, and no, I don't need to chop off infected areas) Last time I asked her why I have them, like, Does it happen if I'm too warm? Or too cold? Am I dirty? Am I turning into Pigpen? And she says "Oh, no reason really."
What kind of answer is that? I had to basically force it out of her before she tells me it's just skin type and lots of people have these rashes. But I don't see the streets filled with people scratching.
I think she just wanted me to leave. At least the medication helped. Argh. Gona try and work on my story today, but I think I'm reaching a spot where I keep procrastinating cause it's boring but necessary.
Dialed "6-send" about 20 times since four days ago. Finally there is an answer and everything is okay =) 2005/11/27 Day ThreeSat down in front of my story last night, stared at it, then went to bed. Out all day today. Arghhhhh!!
Had lunch with Nina then we bused to Metro to meet Lisa.. took forever. Shopped till 5, and then we got dinner and went to Lisa's apartment. Talk about convenient. Her highrise is a 2 minute walk to a library, 5 minute walk to metrotown, 3 minute walk to Crystal Mall, 4 minute walk to skytrain station.. Ohhh, lucky lucky girl.. Looked forlornly at all the couples today... so we skytrained/bused back... to Richmond Center (took forever again) ... then my mom came and picked me up. Doing a lot of things to keep myself busy, since my mind is whirling around. But I'm feeling better and better... kind of like walking free of my confusions. I'm heading stright for what I want. 2005/11/26 Day TwoSlept over at sis's last night and we bused back this morning.. It was really cold. Went through some of my courses for Kwantlen and decided on most of them.. Hopefully I can really finish this thing in 2 years. My novel is falling extremely behind now. Crap. I feel better already. I made a decision, worked out some things, and it's exactly as expected. I am stupid after all. But I know what I'm doing now. Kind of, anyway. The conclusion is coming, I can feel it. I don't even need all four days. 2005/11/25 Day oneToday is the first day. I only have four.
"When you are in a situation you cannot escape, learn from it." So I must learn. I heard this one a long time ago.
"No person needs a certain other to survive." I suppose not, but its just the matter of what type of life you can live? We are all selfish.. How many people can walk away from being loved? We all can, but I will, if I find out that is the only reason I am staying. So now, with the space and time given to me, I just have to find out.. 2005/11/24 FarhadThe decision I made today may be the biggest mistake of my life.
I think I lost something important... but I just don't know what to do.. 2005/11/23 unoccupied occupancyWoke up with the dream that I was having a nosebleed..
Also had a dream that I found my camera battery. Felt happy until I realized that the latter was also just a dream, and I'm back to feeling annoyed for not being able to find it. Wore my contacts for the first time in months, and they were okay. Made me slightly dizzy for a few seconds, but I'll have to get used to them again anyway. My novel seems to be nanometering along... I wish it was inches. Or even centimetering along. I forget it for a day, work on it for 30 minutes the next day, then forget it for a few more days... I had no idea I'd be this busy without school... which is ridiculous. I have nothing to do at all! I don't even know whats wrong with me, but I'm constantly running around. I do have my bored moments, of course, but that is when I should be working on my story. Name of the novel will be Dragon Pride... ( DUH! )... But that's not final.. maybe Dragonpride? one or two words?
I have no idea. Hazelle, Far and I had dinner at Spaghetti Factory.. I think the bread is the best dish they have. WTF is wrong with my blank cds?? Out of the 5 that I tried to use right now, only 1 worked! And it wasn't even mine! In the stack of 50 I've thrown away like 10 so far because my computer couldn't work with them! What is it with this cheap shit! Just because it was cheap doesn't mean it should be shit! What a waste of my fifty cents! ... it was like what, 5 bucks for 50? ( sigh )..... what is the point of buying my own if I end up having to bug people to spare me blank cds? ....... hmm..... I might as well just live off other people's...
2005/11/21 SolutionI have all these scraps of poems and little rhymes I've written but didn't know what to do with... finally, as I was looking for my camera spare battery today (I misplaced it T.T ...... and it costs 60$ to replace it!!!) and I came across ANOTHER dirty piece of paper with some poem scribbled on it... (probaably during Chem or Math a few years ago, and most likely the reason I failed the unit tests), I came up with a conclusion.. since i'm writing a freakin novel, I might as well stick my scraps of poems in there right? Some of the characters are bound to be literate?
So, must put that plan into action... those hours of not paying attention in class have to count for something right? ( sigh ) ~ ~ Went to Lonsdale Quay with mom dad en sis today... then went to metro en shopped like crazy, but didnt really buy much... Went to Timmy's there (YEY!)... Yah, I must one day go there and shop the entire of the gigantic new metro.. Again, I have neglected my story today... ...Darren (the main character)... I'm sorry! I have failed you! Well, not quite, still working on it! Add oil add oill! Or "FIGHTING!" as they say in the korean drama "Full House"...
2005/11/19 Cedric Diggory is uglyWatched Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire today with Jack Liu....
Again I am astounded by how un-pretty Cedric Diggory is. They have defied everything about him from the book... The only thing good about ugly Diggory is the fact that no one will be sad when they see him die...
At least Cho-Chang is half-decent. I think they're shooting the movies too slow, though... a bunch of 18 year olds pretending they're 14.... its quite sad, really. I had to pee 3 times during the movie. Once in the previews, once an hour later, and again an hour later... (SIGH)... Then went to Spaghetti Factory and had a late lunch.... Yesterday I was at Queensbrough Landing with Far and we shopped there... Tommy H, La Senza, The Garage, Le Chateu, Ardenes, Hallmark and a whole bunch more... It's amazing though, I bought absolutely nothing... Then we picked up my sister and went en had dinner at a sushi place near her house. Then she came over and we slept together =) I'm so sleepy, and it's only 5:30 pm... I keep getting sleepy around this time, and then by the time i'm supposed to go to bed, the sleepiness is all gone and I turn and flip in bed for hours. "If the Earth didn't suck we'd all fall off, right?"
.....sooooooo sleepy...
2005/11/17 Waiting...Kwantlen hasn't mailed me yet. Why? Are they blind? Why don't they want me? On the other hand... if I can't even get in Kwantlen, then I think I'm in trouble. I must phone tomorrow and ask them what is going on. A bit of better news, I haven't had a nosebleed for quite a while, so I think I may be free. I must have just been tired on the roadtrip, and now I'm better. But I don't want to talk about it too much, don't want to jinx it.. (wave, wave) Speaking of evil things.... I remember when I went back to taiwan last time, I was sitting by the road with my mom and my cousin, having cold tofu with sugar... well, i was having it, they were talking and having popsicles. So all of a sudden I look down into the bowl and see an unconcious ant floating around in the tofu... Naturally, I am grossed out and I tell my mom and cousin that there is a foreign ojbect in my food. My cousin looks over and she says, "what, is it a cockroach?" And my mom is curious too so I show them, and to my horror, my mom laughs and spoons the corpse onto the floor and mentions for me to continue eating. And my cousin is looking at me, telling me that it's "only" an ant, so I pretend everything is ok and I would have just removed the body anyway.. and I wait till they are talking and quickly dump the tofu to the side and give the bowl back to the lady.. and say "Mmm, that was good. Let's go home now." 2005/11/16 SluggyI'm slithering along on my novel much too slowly...
This sucks. If I start school in January I'll have even less time for it.. I've thought about it, and I think I'm going to tune down vocabulary. I want to make it more broad. If elementary kids, grades 6 or 7 can also read it, hey, all the better... As long as it doesn't turn into "See Spot. See Spot run.".... Went to my parents' office today, had lunch, snuck out for bubble tea with mom... came home, had dinner... basically it. Oh Darren (main character in my novel), I am so sorry, I've put your life on hold. I've discovered a new decent pleace to eat, near Yaohan. Which is a miracle. Anyhow, I have to pee. Laters ~ 2005/11/15 WooOooOooT!Finally! I managed to do my own nails all by myself! MUA HA HA!
Nail polish, decoration, clear coating, EVERYTHING! Next thing you know, I'll be putting on eye liner! Phew. Anyhow, yah while I was watching the TV series soap opera Zhan4 Shen2 ( starring Zhou1 Yu2 Ming2 ) last night, I thought, "hey, why not?" And it actually turned out okay. Which is strange. Hmm. Must have been a fluke. I am ashamed. I supposedly said I'd work on my story everyday, even if it's just a little? Well yesterday that rule went down the drain. I didn't even switch my computer on yesterday... ( sigh ) I'm watching Maddona's MTV "Hung Up" And its really annoying me. Everything from her voice to the way she pretends to stretch but can't, and her legs kinda go along with her. Why is Far making me watch this? Oh right, cause there's a bit of hip hop and breakdance in there. Right. Wow the album is called "Confessions on a dancefloor"! They've got to be joking right? It's making me sick. Argh. I thought Madonna's supposed to be really good. She is probabaly why people appreciate Christina Aguilera. She is really sexy, speaking of which. Weird, normally I don't put people down like this. I don't know what's gotten over me. I don't know anything about old people's standards for music anyway. Maybe Madonna is good? I probabaly just don't recognize it. Oh and here is proof... I mean, a pic... of my girliness. It's rather small so just click on it and you'd actually be able to see it. 2005/11/13 AquariumWent to Stanley Park's aquarium today. In my memory balugas were not so ugly. But apparently they are. Also gave Nina her b-day present (nail decorating stuff).
Anyhow. Dolphins are just as cute as expected, and the real surprises are the otters... (AWWWWW they're so CUTE). I think I have a weakspot for furry animals. Bunnies, puppies, kittens, hamsters, mice... sea otters... ...especially furry whiskery animals... oh they're so adorable! On our way back we loitered in Richmond Center for a bit. Ajay's still giving me mall discount even though I don't work there anymore, what a nice guy. Shopped around, swore at the price tags, and bought a scarf in Suzy. We bused to Stanley park and during the ride back some guy in his fourties was staring at us the whole time. Like openly staring and giving us dirty looks. Nina thinks he's a perv but I think he just needs a good beating. Novel at 13 pages. 2005/11/12 La la ~ la?Stayed at home for another day...
Made a bit more progress on my story, although I do think it's going kind of slow. My butt is annoyed from sitting too much and I keep shifting around in my seat. Anyhow, I have what, 10 pages now? Damnit. Perhaps I should make myself devote at least an hour a day, instead of having days where I ignore writing and days where I do it all day. Speaking of days, after a few days, I now have to talk about Jay Chou's new album. Songs one (Night Melody) , three (Hair Like Snow) and four (Black Sweater) are the ones I like, also the "Romantic Cellphone" one. It's so sweet and everybody will feel familiar with it. I don't get why some of the lyrics have to be gore, but, okay, you're the rich person, so whatever you want. Why do my nails keep chipping? I end up having to clip them, and I clip crooked, and I have to clip it again, and again... and shit, I have nothing left. I keep waiting for all ten to be the same length but it seems as though it will be quite a while. God, clothes are so expensive! Some of them make me oogle with disbelief then I realize it's even more expensive cause it's in american and I haven't changed it to Canadian dollars yet. If I start buying just a few of the things I want I will be broke until the end of time. 2005/11/11 La la ~Spent a day at home.. finally made some progress on my story... finished the rough plotline and now continuing my work on writing it all out. I can't help but edit every few sentences. Damn it, I just keep going back to re-read what I just wrote. Technically, it'll make it easier while final editting, but still, it's insufficient and I should get all the writing done then edit all at once =( The mute girl's name is probabaly Kari. It has so much more cleverness hidden underneath the quietness, wheras Janie is just quiet and sweet. Sweetness isn't that important in a battle story anyway == Ohhh I am SOOOO falling for Victoria's Secret. The thing is, they are targeted at older women, like in their thirties and everything is SO expensive! Hang on, does that mean I act old? I swear I'm getting wrinkles around my eye. The Gap just doesn't quite cut it and Off The Wall is too everybody's-store. Although they both have some cute stuff. 2005/11/10 Staying strongBack to the fishtank-ness...
Argh, when will I swim out of these barriers? I have to get free... I'm just crouching, silent... waiting... I feel like a part of me is pushing to explode.. when waiting has no set limit, it is endless. I'm headstrong. Watched Tim Hurton's Corpse Bride. It's not that bad, but it doesnt really hold ur attention for long either. I did not have a nosebleed today. That's 48 hours.... =D I am really running out of good books to read. I'm into funny books like "Shopaholic" and fantasies... Aiya. Poo. I feel like I'm climbing up a plastic slide in a playground. I'm slipping, I'm being held down, and it seems like I'm going the wrong way. An inner voice is saying "try the swings instead, you idiot." I am definately losing it.
2005/11/9 SafePhew. I don't think I've had a nosebleed for 30 hours. Still working on it. Extremely careful around my nose. That means no nose-squishing games with Far. I seriously, for the first time, saw something that I want so bad, but have absolutely no idea how to buy it. Christina Aguilera wears this white tanktop in her MTV "Dirty"... where she takes off her red half-sweater and we see it underneath, and she sings "ladies, fellas, drop your cups" It's more like a bra, I mean, the length, it just covers her boobs, so it's hardly a shirt. I've googled, ebay-ed, I just want it! I can't even find out what brand or company it's from. No one talks about it, but I'm sure I can't be the only girl to think it's nice? It's not like I want the exact one that she has worn, so it shouldn't be that hard, I wanna buy it off a store or something. I've been wanting it for a couple of months now.... I am so exasperated. If anyone can find out where I can get one like that, please let me know? PLEASE? 2005/11/8 WakingI think I've been hiding out in my safe little world.
A perfect place where fairy tales seem to be possible. Like a cloudy, fluffy dream. What a rude awakening.
2005/11/7 whoaI got up, brushed, and while leaning over, a warm, familiar sensation coming out of my nose made me freeze in alarm. Then the routine starts over... My artery better not think it can get away with making this a hobby. Yesterday went out to have lunch and shop at RC with mom, dad, and sis.. I didn't buy anything.... >< thats horrible... am I losing my touch? Anyhow, I re-made my flip flops and I am so proud of myself. I go giddy every time I walk by the front door where they are lying. Okay, so you can still see a bit of silver around the sides where I didn't cut out the pieces properly, but it looks like a frame and it's ok. MUA HA HA HA HAAA.... I'm gonna make my own shirt in the next few days I think =) Well, hopefully. This stuff is so much fun! 9:45 PM: I got another nosebleed during the afternoon. I was just standing there this time, and suddenly there's blood dripping off my chin. Shit. 2005/11/6 Home sweet homeBack last night, along with the bundle of stuffed animals and Nordstrom shopping. The stops were Portland, Chico and Reno for two nights, and back north were Lake Tahoe, Redding, Portland.. phew. Anyway, I had my official first nosebleed while in the shower in Redding. I was just standing there in the shower and there seems to be water running down my face, which is normal, right? I mean, it's the freakin shower. So lalala, shower... hmm, there seems to be a sick sweet taste in my mouth, and I think, must be shampoo/soap, so I run my hand across my mouth and shit, my palm comes back covered in red.. so I get freaked out, run my other hand across to make sure, and yup, I'm spurting blood. I hold my head backwards while pinching the top of my nose (an imitation of my sister.. she does it all the time) and to my disgust, the blood starts going backwards, down my throat and I swallow it instead... I stand there for a while and I see that the water going down the drain is completely dark red, so I turn the water cold (supposedly it slows blood circulation) ... and freeze my ass off... It doesnt seem to be slowing down at all so I call my mom and she comes in and says "You're bleeding. Quite a bit." No, really? She soaks a towel in cold water and I drape it over my nose, and finally the blood slows down and I finish my shower. And wash blood off my entire body and the bottom of the tub.. it looked like I murdered someone in there... Last night, I'm reading my book and something lands on my leg and I look down. It's blood gushing out of my nose onto my PJs. Gross, so I try to wipe my PJs clean but reinforcements keep coming down so I give up and lean over the garbage can. This time it ends in just a few minutes. I seriously hope it's not gonna be a regular thing. The first blog I post in a week is all about gore... it's PG13... Let's talk abot shopping. I love Victoria's Secret. I don't get why they can't open stores in Canada. EVERYTHING in the store is so nice, I don't think I've ever seen such a high concentration of things I want in a store before. It's like spending an entire day at Richmond Center and another at Lansdowne, and a third at Metro and still more. I am proud to annouce I walked out of there without buying anything, though, cause I spent $120 US in Nordstrom half an hour before that. It hurt, though, it seriously hurt.. |
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