Okay, so I have never touched a horse in my life until a few days ago.
I walked into this barn with Farhad, and we see a HUGE horse in his equally gigantic stable.
This horse's back is the height of the top of my head. How would anyone jump onto him?
His chin would would rest on the top of my head. Not that it did, because I was too nervous.
The length of the horse is 2 times my height.
So if there were some parallel universe disruption and there were two of me together, we would lie down, feet to head, and be the same length as the horse.
It is HUGE.

So anyway, when we (Me and Farhad, not me and parallel universe me) walked in, the horse turns and trots towards me.
This is scary, even though Farhad already told me that that horse is enthusiastic that way. (Farhad has already played with it once.)
I freeze, rooted to the ground (but due to my pride, I did not turn and run or move back).
The horse stares at me, and I stare at it.
He was probably thinking, "Yey! Another one of those two-legged things have come. Probably to play with me... But this one is weird. It is just looking at me."
I was thinking, "Oh my GOSH that is one HUGE horse."

So then it does some friendly blinking at me, and I look around and see a basket of apples.
I decide to show him I have come in peace by giving him an apple. That wasn't mine.
But really, sticking my hand up to that HUGE head? I don't know...
His head is my head times 3. Stacked vertically.
Which is a lot, considering how huge my head is already.

So I grabbed a dusty dustpan, and put the apple in it.
Then I proffered it to the horse, which means I lifted it above my head shakily, with the apple rolling around like mad.
At that moment, the owner of the horse chooses to walk in with some of his friends.

I look over in surprise, and the apple tips out of the dustpan and drops with a muffled thonk on the hay-scattered ground.
Four people (the horse's owner, two of his friends, and Farhad) stare at me holding a dirty dustpan high over my head in an offering to the horse.

I lower my arms slowly.

The horse's owner was a very nice man. He did not laugh at me.
He did let a chuckle escape though.

Then he broke the silence by striding over and saying, "I'll show you how to do that."

I gently put the dustpan back where I found it.

He ignores the dropped apple on the ground.
He goes back to the apple basket, grabs a new apple, and lifts it to the horse.
The horse snips the apple in half and chews cheerfully.
Probably thinking, "Pfft, FINALLY."

Then the guy shows me how to make my hand flat with the remaining half of the apple in the center.
"And then give it to him," he says.
I pause for a second, looking at the huge horse head, then slowly lift my hand towards it.
I felt something like a vacuum, and then my hand was empty.
Not missing, just empty.

I kind of sigh with relief, and then everyone stops watching me and begins to talk to each other.
I look at the horse for a bit, and then someone comes over and pats the horse's head.
It looks easy.

I step closer to the horse.
It did not look unhappy at my doing so.
So after gathering come more courage, I take another step.
The horse's owner casually scratches the horse's head as he walks by.

I wait a few more minutes before I lift my hand slowly to rest on the horse's nose.
Then I pet it for a few minutes, and my fear of suddenly dying a violent death begins to fade.

Farhad: "Hey cute Annie, we're going shopping today!"
Me: "You mean YOU are going shopping."
Farhad:"You're coming with me!"
Me: "No I'm not."
Farhad: "Why not? It's shopping!"
Me: "I don't want to go shopping at Homesense."
Farhad: "...What makes you think we're going to Homesense?"
Me: "Because you're going shopping for Ronnie's wedding gift, and they're registered at Homesense."
Farhad: "...Lolz."

Me: "Okay, I'm gonna go shopping now."
Farhad: "Cute one, don't go."
Me: "Coupon?! You have a coupon for me? Where?!"

Farhad pulls in front of Staples.
Farhad: "We need to stop here for a sec."
I whine "Whyyyyyyy???" very unhappily because I want to get home so I can eat my Subway.
Farhad: "I just need to look for a hub switch."
Me: "...Sigh. Okay."
Farhad looks at me expectantly. "Come on."
Me: "...Can I just stay here and eat?"
Farhad: "...No. It will be fast, come on."
Me: "...Fine, fine, fine. Just let me hide these subs under the chair..."
Farhad: "...What? No, you don't have to-"
Me: "Okay! Done! Let's go."


We get back on the car fifteen minutes later.
I fling the car open open, jump onto the seat and reach under it carefully to withdraw my Subway sandwiches.
Me: "...Phew! They're still here."
Farhad: "......"


We are almost home when I say, "Grab my ovaries."
Farhad: "What?"
Me: "Grab my ovaries."
Farhad: "......Why?"
Me: "So I can say 'Leggo my Eggo!'"
Farhad: "...."


Farhad pulls one sub out of the plastic bag.
Farhad: "Here's your sub."
Me: "...How do you know that that one is mine?"
Farhad: "Because I watched when they put it into the bag."
Me: "I might have turned the bag."
Farhad: "Yeah, but mine is the one beside the napkins."
Me: "......!!!!!!"
Farhad: "I'm too sharp for you, I'm too sharp!"
Me: "That's okay, because I am like sandpaper."

Went back to Richmond today and grabbed some clothes while Farhad installed the new internet modem for our house.
Omg I Missed PiPi soooo much.
I can't believe how an unintelligent weirdo like her could be so adorable/influential of my feelings.
I think it is her blind enthusiasm and excitement, plus her natural good (thankfully) looks.

Then we went to downtown so Farhad could get his blood test and eye test done for the military.
I planned to shop at the attractive stores around the area while he was being examined, but Farhad's very entertaining form with the Canadian Forces distracted me.

I lol'ed at his rank.

Also, under his "Element" it said "AIR".

Hmm... What do "WOOD" people do?

Or like, wouldn't it suck if your Element was "EARTH"?
Cause then if someone insults you and says "you're like a piece of dirt", they would be kind of right.

Plus, what's for "FIRE"? I don't think Firefighters even belong to the Canadian Forces.

Oh ho, Canadian Forces like to ensure that you have sufficient brainpower, and therefore make their profile forms a labyrinth.



Then we went to Abbotsford and Farhad went for a flight while I shopped at Seven Oaks.
I bought a hardcover novel for $6.
My Chinese cheapness braincells are proud of me.

My laptop has 4 GB of RAM, but it takes a constant 30% RAM to keep Windows Vista running.

Also, Internet Explorer fails.
Good job, Microsoft.

That is why I use Mozilla.


For some reason I thought it would make a lot of sense to bring my nose right up into the opening of a bottle of nail polish remover and inhale really hard.
It felt very bad.